When I took on the Tech Lead role a year ago, my initial approach was based on my technical ability. I believed my authority within the team came from being the most knowledgeable person, the one who knew all the best practices, solved the toughest problems, and guided others with my experience. But as time passed and the team began to grow, that vision started to fall apart.

We interviewed and hired people with a technical level equal to or higher than mine. I was clear about it: I wanted a great team. What I hadn’t considered was the internal conflict that followed—and still lingers. Where did my value lie if I was no longer the most technical person? On top of that, when my manager encouraged me to step away from the day-to-day work, to take a step back and observe, to become a facilitator, my ego got in the way. I realized I needed to change my perspective to truly contribute in my role.

That’s where detachment comes in. Letting go of the need to be the most technical person allows you to see the team from a different angle. My role isn’t to be at the center of the action solving problems, but to have a broader vision and help others find their own solutions.

The Tech Lead as a Facilitator

A development team is a group of highly skilled professionals, but due to the nature of the problems we solve, they sometimes fall into what’s known as “rabbit holes”—they dive so deeply into a problem that they lose sight of the bigger picture or spiral into complexity that keeps them from solving the original issue.

My role has evolved into one of observation and facilitation. Instead of imposing my solution—something that’s not always easy—I try to focus on listening, analyzing, and helping the team see the problem from another perspective. During our sessions, my goal is to translate their explanations into systems, structures, and components so they can identify for themselves where improvement is possible.

The idea of detachment didn’t come to me overnight. It kept resurfacing in my readings and conversations around another one of my passions: Stoic philosophy.

It’s still hard for me not to jump in immediately when I see the team heading down a dead end. If it’s not critical, I remind myself to let them grow, trusting that if they struggle, they’ll eventually ask for help. There’s a passage from Epictetus I really like, which reminds me not to intervene too quickly:

Remember that you must behave in life as at a banquet. Something is passed to you: extend your hand and take a moderate portion. It passes you by: do not stop it. Has it not yet come to you? Do not project your desire for it, but wait until it reaches you. So with your children, with your wife, with public office, with wealth. One day you will be worthy to dine with the gods. And if you decline what is offered and are not even grateful, you will not only share in the banquet of the gods but also in their rule. This is how Diogenes, Heraclitus, and others like them acted, and rightly were they called divine.
Epictetus, Enchiridion, 15

How to Start Practicing Detachment

I won’t lie—letting go of control and ego isn’t easy. It’s a process I’m still working on, but here are a few steps that have helped me:

  1. Observe without jumping in right away: Before offering a solution, I try to ask questions so the team can reach the answer themselves.
  2. Reframe problems in terms of systems: I help the team break problems into smaller, manageable parts and visualize how they interact.
  3. Accept that your value doesn’t lie in being the most technical person: My contribution lies in having a global view, connecting the dots, and unblocking others.
  4. Leave space for others to grow: If I always give the answer, I hinder the team’s learning. But if I guide without imposing, we all grow together.

Conclusion

Detachment doesn’t mean disengagement—it means changing how we provide value. My role is no longer to prove what I know, but to make sure the team has what it needs to shine. And in that process, I grow too.

I’m still on this learning path, but every time I see someone on the team find a solution without me having to step in, I know I’m moving in the right direction.

Have you ever faced the need to let go of control in your leadership role? How did you deal with it?